


if you tickle the earth with a hoe, she laughs with a harvest

by Anonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: <3, Cows, M/M, herding calls, i obviously know everything there is to know about farming, this is for u bb, u kno who u are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 11:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14236341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: spring is a-coming to this very real village and its very real residents!





	if you tickle the earth with a hoe, she laughs with a harvest

Between two great mountains somewhere in some country on some continent, there was a village so beautiful and rich with culture and history that it kept even the hungriest imagination satisfied like a dragon whose belly is filled with all the gold in the world. In this village was home to the most beautiful voices, most wonderful of minds and the kindest people imaginable. They were somewhat like hobbits with their love of food - _oh_ how the villagers loved their food! The yoghurt - the cheese - the chicken - the trouts - _and the milk_. They dearly cherished the milk that their cows would so generously offer them.

Those generous animals were not easy to trick or easy to persuade - no, they answered only to certain sounds - _if_ produced beautifully. See, these cows only responded to the villagers as long as there was someone able to conjure the most celestial herding call. There were not many people who were able to cat a herding call efficiently - and so those who were able to do it were held in the highest regards. They were the ones who were making sure all the villagers were enjoying the delicious and creamy milk, after all.

And so, on a beautiful, sunny day in the village - it was time to round up the herding callers to make sure the cows were satisfied enough to come towards the farmers to provide milk for everyone. Spring was on its springy step (staying true to its name) and besides - what good is being happy about it if one can’t celebrate it with food!

So, the festivities were being set up - colourful flags and handkerchiefs were hung on thin strings, surrounding the many tables that were placed to welcome the plentiful food surely to come. The people were smiling with a peachy tint colouring their cheeks, a twinkle in their big & excited eyes.

Oh, how wonderful everything will be today! the sun is smiling and the sky is embracing its stars' lights! And there - the most excited person of them all was a young & stern man named Eren Jaeger. He was not smiling as widely as the others because despite his excitement he was worried - oh yes, worried!

He was worried out of his mind because his friend who - much to Eren's dismay - was widely considered the village idiot. And he was not there yet. 

That friend is Jean Kirstein, who was nowhere to be found. Today is so important to everyone - and if Jean decides to do something - god forbid - then Eren isn’t sure he will be able to help him get out of trouble this time. Everyone loves celebrating the first day of spring. one wrong step - especially if done by Jean - would make all hell break loose.

Eren feels hopeless until he hears a screech behind him,

“Eren I am so excited for today look at how high the flags are wow!” and it could not belong more to Jean. How does he even say all of that in one single breath?

Eren takes a deep breath and turns around to greet his friend with a wide smile - as wide as he could. Although he did pull tricks that were idiotic - it upset Eren that his friend was subject to a title as mean as ‘village idiot’. He remembers others doing things just as idiotic - so why weren’t they called the same?

He pushes the thoughts away as he replies to Jean with,

“Yea, it really is! I'm especially excited for the milk.” Jean is quick to shoot him a wink and exaggerates milking motions with his hands. Eren just stares at him - feeling weird that he doesn’t dislike what he is seeing. _What_.

Jean stops when he sees an elderly couple giving him a displeased look and lowers his head in embarrassment. However, Jean being Jean, he shakes off the feeling quick enough and nudges Eren playfully.

“It’s going to be a great night tonight,” he tells Eren - as if he’s telling him an exciting secret. He nudges him again and again and wiggles his eyebrows at him.

Eren doesn’t really get why Jean is acting like this is news to him - they literally do this celebration every single year - but he supposes that jean still has a childlike excitement inside him - so he just shoots him a warm smile. Jean’s joy of life sure is contagious.

After 3 hours of preparations around the village - a quick, high pitched yell followed by ‘ _Hurra! welcome the spring! Hurra!_ ' signalled the start of the celebration.

Everyone lets out joyous screams and starts dancing around - the spring is here and the food is plenty! All that is missing now is the milk and the call for the cows.

An elderly woman dressed in a cerulean blue robe walks up the podium. She clears her throat loudly to redirect the villagers' attention to her. 

She calls out for the herding callers and everyone cheers as the three women come forward - for they are the village’s breadwinners in some sort of way. The head of the village flashes them a warm smile before announcing,

“Our dear herding callers! We hope you know just how grateful we are to you!” as she says this the crowd erupts into cheers again - “ and we have all decided that this year - you most definitely deserve to enjoy the celebrations without interruption - and so we would love for you to take this time to enjoy this celebration of life with us." 

And so that is how the celebration went - everyone including the herding callers were gathered together under the spring sky, dancing and singing. 

But again, Eren was worried out of his mind because  _again,_ Jean was nowhere to be found! Where in the world does he even disappear to? What would he be doi-

Oh no. Oh no.  _Oh no. Oh no. OH NO_

Eren remembers how Jean told him that this night would be special and remembers his milking gestures and his facial expressions  _and Jean is gonna try doing the herding call and Eren cannot believe how panicked he feels right now._ He runs to where they keep the cows like his life depends on it - it kind of does because if Jean is gonna try to call them with his godawful voice he's going to make the cows run off forever. He's gonna turn this entire village against him. 

Eren gets there and he stops dead in his tracks because he's greeted by,

_"_ _YEE HEE YEE HEEEEEEE! YAHEEEEEE YU! YUHEEEE YU!"_

Quite frankly, Eren wants to die. Jean sounds so terrible he wants to  _die._ However, he also wants to kind of kiss Jean. He kind of always wants to kiss him when he does something stupid which is a lot of the times. Eren is sexually attracted to a dumbass. 

" _E_ _ren,_ you're here! Eren oh my god, I did the herding call and the cows loved it," Jean yells out and looks so happy Eren can't even tell him off, " I think they went for a run because they liked it so much. Bet the milk will be delicious this year!" 

Before Eren can say anything, Jean runs towards him and engulfs him in a tight hug. Eren freezes because he  _knows_ Jean can feel his boner.

"Oh man", Jean says in a sad tone, "you must be getting sick, Eren! Should it be that hard?"

Eren gets painfully harder. Every stupid word coming out of Jean's mouth is going straight to Eren's dick. 

"Look at how I did the herding call!" and Jean puts both his hands on either side of his mouth. He starts yelling and  _god_ his voice sounds like he's making fun of the herding call but he's actually seriously doing it - and he's almost cross-eyed while doing it. He looks so stupid Eren could come right then and there. 

                                                                                                                             **

The next morning, when everyone is out and about, smiling and laughing and excited about the new coming of spring, someone yells out in horror.

" _The cows have disappeared! The cows aren't there anymore!"_

That was enough to send the entire village into a panic. How could the cows disappear! People start blaming the herding callers but they tell the villagers that they went to sleep around the same time as everyone else - that they did not go near the cows at all. 

Everyone keeps blaming each other until they hear Jean's humming between them.

"Jean," says the elderly lady from last night - she looks like she's about to faint," did you by any chance," she swallows hard," try to call the cows?"

"I SURE DID!" Jean replies with all the confidence in the world. Eren watches him from a short distance and he cannot believe how turned on he gets by it. Jean is so stupid. It's really doing wonders for Eren's dick. 

"AND THIS IS HOW I DID IT!" and the man, Jean, the dumbest dumbass Eren has ever encountered, actually starts doing the herding call. Eren's vision gets hazy as he listens to Jean's abominable yodel like herding call - and he comes with a loud moan. 

Jean looks at Eren. Eren looks at Jean. The villagers look at both of them. 

                                                                                                                            **

 

The village exiles them overnight and the pair actually finds a nice little house behind the mountains their old village used as protective walls. Jean spends his days calling for the cows, and Eren spends his nights coming to Jean's stupidity. 

 

 

FIN. 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thnx 4 reading :* :3 :D


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